Encounters: What Should We Do???

image from Left-Handed Toons

Years ago my good friend Steve Davison wrote this piece about greeting new (and old) people in social situations... As of late I've been thinking about this exact topic... So I dredged up his writing and posted it here. All in hopes for some discussion from the readers (that means you)...

It's a little long, but I hope you read it all and participate in the discussion...

Male/Female Encounters of a Third Kind: Some Faux Pas

Readers, friends, those who kiss me a "hello" on the cheek, those who don't, and those who look at me like a fucking idiot when I try...

There is sometimes, something about a particular part of English culture that bugs me, which I have wanted to express in one form or another for a while now. It wouldn't be a problem if we were robots, afraid of interacting with people of the opposite sex, or if we, as Britons were isolated from the rest of the world and therefore knew nothing about other countries or the way they greeted each other, treated each other or acted around each other. But we are not robots. We are human beings and we thrive on interaction, and that is at the source of my desire to seek answers on this topic. Nevertheless, as I mentioned, I've been meaning to express myself about this for awhile and what better way to do it, to reach an audience, to perhaps get friend's and peer's feedback, in this day in age, than a myspace blog? Exactly...

Intrigued? Read on, dear, dear reader, I implore you…

Think of a party of approximately 30 guests you've been to where you've arrived, taken your coat off, put the bottles you bought in the fridge, chatted to the host for 15 minutes, and rested safely in your entourage of 4 people you arrived with, leaving the encounters with everybody else in the house to chance.

This scenario just doesn't happen in France (a country I chose because I've lived there and witnessed first hand such scenarios), where in the same situation every man in the room would shake every other mans hand, and kiss every girl on each cheek and every girl would kiss every other person at the party on each cheek. Instantly the ice is broken between males and females, there is deliberate contact, and therefore a conscious effort to feel comfortable in the social setting.

At first when I moved to France I thought it was painstakingly complicated when you meet people of different ages, or status to greet them in a different manner. For example when I met my girlfriend-at-the-time's mother we shook hands, but at some point, when she felt she knew me well enough, she would greet me with a kiss on each cheek... Now I see it as painstakingly obvious and a pain in the arse not to have a system whereby everybody knows exactly how to greet each other. There is no moment of embarrassment, as when I first arrived and knew nothing about this system and moved in to kiss her grandmother (who I was meeting for the first time) on the cheek as she stuck her hand out to shake mine!

It's funny. In my circles the girls and boys greet each other with one kiss on one cheek. However when I get introduced to new girls by friends or family I find it embarrassing when I lean in to kiss them on the cheek and get this look which says: "Excuse me? What the fuck are you doing?"

What's funnier is that since starting this article a week ago I have been to visit my friend's girlfriend and a female friend of hers and they both leaned in, as is normal in their circles, to kiss me a second time and caught me out! But now I know. I made a joke, and obliged. Next time I will kiss them twice.

Does this make a point? Should we have a universal method of greeting each other or should we not? Do you find it cute or annoying at the ground-zero moment when two people attempt to use different methods of greeting? Is it normal or weird to greet in such a personal manner? Is it comfortable or uncomfortable when people try to kiss you on the cheek? Do you respond with confidence or shyness? Do you maybe feel that it is cheating on your partner to get that close to another man? Or am I just paranoid?!

~Steve Davison

I for one wish that we here in Canada had a structured greeting ritual... For the simple reason that I also have greeted people in the wrong manor (on several occasions)... Either by not shaking hands, preforming the wrong handshake, not giving a hug, wanting to give a hug but waiting to long, gave a hug and wasn't supposed to...

Oh, and don't even get me started on kissing on the cheek... I was good at it in Australia were I supposed to do it (in certain groups)... but I can't continue doing it here (as I'm not European, and I'd be labeled as "the strange kissing-on-the-cheek Canadian guy" if I did)...

From here on in, I am going to make a point of:

• shaking hands w/ men
• hugging every girl
• kissing girls (who are close to me) on the cheek (maybe)
  

What do you think???

Do you have the same greeting for all social encounters???

Or, does that greeting change depending on the group???

Do you just avoid physical greetings???

What are your greetings???